Book excerpt: Everything you ever wanted to know about Santa, as told to the author of Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs by the big guy himself. This eBook edition includes audio! As you might imagine, the early life of Santa Claus was a liiiiiiiittle different from the childhood of your average kid. His first words were “ho ho ho!” By five he was wearing a fake beard and mustache, and could rarely be found without his favorite stuffed reindeer. It was clear from a very young age that he was destined for uniqueness.... Despite this, his parents went to great lengths to keep the normalcy in his life. They had him learn guitar (he was in a rock band!), and play baseball (he had quite an arm), and even do chores (okay—here he was like any other kid on earth—he hated chores). But there was no stopping Santa from being Santa, and one winter, he began to make his lists. He checked them twice, and delivered toys to children all over Cincinnati. Then, all over Ohio. Then—the world. Compiled from his baby book, family photos, and report cards, Santa from Cincinnati provides a full-spectrum view of the boy who grew to be the man who grew to be Santa.