Book excerpt: Home decorating will never be the same. Close your curtains! Throw away your summery linens! Forget about those white eyelet pillow covers! And for Goth's sake, buy some black lights! Voltaire is here to help you with your home decorating dilemmas, guide you through the hardware stores and decorating centers (which are so difficult for Goths to navigate), and lay it all out on the line about which shade of black goes with which shade of black. Who knows?! One day soon he might have his own decorating line at a discount store. In this world of pastels and plaids, it's so hard for Goths to find anything aesthetically appealing. You go in search of Edward Gorey and wind up with an eyeful of Eddie Bauer. With Voltaire's Paint It Black you can turn the unbearably mundane into the delightfully macabre with little more than a touch of creativity and a can of black spray paint.