Book excerpt: Most of us go through life with a vision of what the ideal relationship is supposed to be, yet too often our longing for a soul mate leads to disappointment and heartbreak. What we see, desire, or harshly judge in our mate is but a reflection of self, Vanzant explains, as in IN THE MEANTIME she helps us to break free of our fantasies and view a relationship as an ongoing process of discovery and growth. Whether she is offering practical advice on how to avoid making the same relationship mistakes over and over again, or helping us to view the painful end of a relationship as an opportunity to learn and change, Iyanla Vanzant, as author Patrice Gains has said, 'reminds us that every moment is an opportunity to learn and inspires and encourages us to continue our inward daily search'.