Book excerpt: Most of you reading this have a sweet, cozy picture of what goes on at the North Pole. Cute little elves, tra-la-la-ing as they build wooden train sets, play with sample toys, and paint eyelashes on dollies. And while some of that does take place, let me just say . . . that doesn't even begin to describe life at the North Pole. This book is my personal diary. It's the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help me Rudolph. So if you're happy with your cozy little half-picture, walk away. This book is NOT for you. And that's okay . . . ignorance is bliss, and believe me, I'd love to have a little more bliss in my life. But if you want to know what REALLY goes on up here . . . buy this book. Read it. And then say a prayer for me, because I need all the prayers I can get. Because life as an elf . . . it's harrowing.