Book excerpt: THIS 2-BOOK SET CONTAINS THE FIRST TWO NOVELS OF THE ONESIES YEAR—FALL and WINTER—IN AN 8-PART EPISODIC SERIES. Each book completes a story arc, but it includes a series cliffhanger that connects Books 1-4; and then Books 5-8. Description: The Pacific Heights Moms & Tots Club is the most exclusive children’s playgroup in all of San Francisco. For the city’s ultra-competitive elite, the club’s ten annual spots are the ultimate parenting prize. But not everyone is PHM&TC material. The club’s founder, Bettina Connaught Cross, adheres to strict membership rules: Moms only. No single parents or working mothers allowed. Membership is an arduous commitment. And there’s no room in the club for scandal, bad behavior, or imperfection…from tots or their moms. In a world of power and prestige, no one has more than Bettina. And as every mom in Pacific Heights knows, you simply cannot cross her. But this year’s admissions process is more rigorous than ever, pitting prospective members against each other to prove their mettle. But four of the six candidates vying for the remaining four slots have a secret that would knock them out of the running. Jade is a former stripper and porn actress, who has been absent for most of her son’s life. Jillian’s husband cleaned out their joint accounts and left her for his pregnant assistant. Ally never even had a husband—just a sperm donor—and she’s hiding a high-ranking corporate job. And Lorna fears that her son may have special needs… just the excuse her sister-in-law, Bettina, needs to deny her entry to the club. Can these hopeful moms keep up appearances long enough to outlast the competition? Or will their chances—and their private lives—go up in flames? Friendship. Lies. Seduction. Betrayal. Welcome to Totlandia. PRAISE FOR THE TOTLANDIA SERIES: I love a good mommy send-up as much as the next gal, and this peek into the ridiculousness of the San Francisco upper crust is delightful. Whether or not you’ve ever had the pleasure (or pain) of joining a playgroup, Brown’s tale is as charming as it is cringeworthy. I laughed, I winced, I kept scrolling.” —Romantic Times “With affairs, pending divorces, secret jobs, and unsavory pasts, each wannabe member hides something that could blow her chances for good.Like the characters in reality shows such as “Dance Moms,” the women in Pacific Heights might be over-the-top, but in the end, the best interests of their kids are (almost) always at heart. Laugh-out-loud funny and sometimes touching, the “Totlandia” novellas serve as the perfect quick read for busy moms or anyone looking to escape with some gossipy fun.” —Examiner.com "Josie Brown writes Totlandia with her usual storytelling flair. The dialogue is smooth and flowing. The characters are easy to side with or become angry with, depending on each situation. The scenery is easy to visualize. And we mustn’t forget all the sex (blushworthy, at that) and scandal that is a staple of a true Josie Brown novel. It’s like a soap opera for mommies. Guilty pleasure, anyone?" —Melissa Amster, Chick Lit Central “This book is wonderfully written and has more than just drama. There are touching moments, parts that made me laugh out loud, and as I read the story I felt like I was reading a television show!”—Divine Secrets of a Domestic Goddess "Totlandia by Josie Brown was just a real joy to read. I loved the variety of characters, the balance of funny and serious moments, and just the wacky story. I cannot wait to see what is next in the series!” —The Book CellarX “Brown did it again! She wrote a book that is both hysterical and original. She gets at the heart of motherhood and all its glory and shame! Brown loves to develop numerous characters and you sure to connect with one, if not all in some way. She makes you think, with whimsy and fun. I absolutely adore her writing and I cannot wait to drive into Book Two of this series!” —Mommy Book Nerd