Book excerpt: How many times have you screamed "If you loved me, you'd stop " at your husband or son after a particularly nasty bout of drinking? How many times has your wife or sister promised to cut back--to drink only on special occasions? How many times has your heart been broken when this time turned out to be just like all the times before? If you are one of the nearly 80 million Americans affected by someone's drinking, this book is for you. Driven to make sense of her own 40+ years of experience coping with loved ones' drinking problems, Lisa Frederiksen found answers in the emerging brain research and scientific studies. What was missing was research that explained the family member's experience. What were they supposed to do, and what would happen to them if they didn't do it? First published in 2009 and still in demand today, "If You Loved Me, You'd Stop " was Frederiksen's first of six books dedicated to helping family members answer these kinds of questions. But a decade later, there is so much more to share. This updated version includes research advances that explain -- what it is about coping with a loved one's drinking that is so harmful to the family member's physical and emotional health and quality of life -- why alcoholism is a brain disease and what it takes to treat it and why alcoholism is different than alcohol abuse -- and what adverse childhood experiences, secondhand drinking, and toxic stress have to do with all of this. This 10th Anniversary Edition not only shares these important advances in comprehensible language, but it offers suggestions for helping yourself. Because no matter how much you love someone whose drinking affects your life, and no matter how much they love you back, love will not and cannot make them stop. The good news is that it's entirely possible for you to truly enjoy your life -- whether your loved one stops drinking or whether you continue your relationship with them, redefine it, or end it altogether. Additionally, this 10th Anniversary Edition can help those who struggle with a drinking problem understand what has happened to them and what they can do to change and/or treat it. It can also help family members whose loved ones have an opioid or other drug use disorder. Educators; treatment and medical professionals; family law practitioners; juvenile and criminal justice professionals; community, business, and public policy leaders and others whose work involves substance use disorders and their impacts on family members, co-workers, and the community-at-large can benefit from reading this book, as well.