Book excerpt: Hi! My name is Buddy. I am a Beagle. Since I can read and write, I am no ordinary Beagle. I also am very fond of Mental Masturbation. Mental Masturbation, Dear Reader, is a form of anxiety relief. It affects my ever-wandering, always-worrying, exceedingly-addictive mind that works 24 hours per day, 365 days per year. I even can confirm that Mental Masturbation manages to continue spinning an extra day during leap year. This collection of missives, which I hope you will read (albeit I do not know why you would care so to do) and for which I beg you to pay, is my banal attempt to understand the "why" of life. Whether I am discussing my adventures or thinking about meaningless things, I hope you find my words interesting, fun, thought-provoking or, well, you bought the book so at that point my hopes alredy have been achieved, i.e. I made money to buy more treats! Oh yes, if anyone has a cure for Mental Masturbation, I would be most grateful with any elixir that would speed me towards enlightenment. Hugs and Kisses, Buddy [email protected]