Book excerpt: In Chili Dawgs Always Bark at Night, Lewis Grizzard once again confirms his reputation as the "William Faulkner of just plain folks" using colorful storytelling to tackle such Grizzardian subjects as: Fashion: "Don't wear anything that features a picture of a pelican, a pink flamingo, or a beer can." The Future: "I'm predicting the world isn't going to come to an end anytime soon. There's too much unresolved, like whether or not Elvis is still alive, Jimmy Swaggart can stay on television, and if there will be another Rambo sequel." Dating: "Any single white female who has to resort to taking out an ad to find a boyfriend would take a SWM who's into yodeling, Hustler magazine, Ripple, and robbing convenience stores." People Who Cheat in the 12-Items-or-Less Lane: "Previously, I have dog-cussed these people and put curses on them, like, 'May your children grow up to be liberal Democrats.' I'm not going to be that mean-spirited anymore. What I'm going to do is go to the vegetable bin, grab a large cucumber, and beat them about the head and shoulders with it." Lewis Grizzard offers his views on everything from politics, religion, sex, and golf to the largest condom heist in history, wittier and more outrageous than ever. Chili Dawgs Always Bark at Night shows why the South's most popular humorist continues to be America's most popular funny man.