Book excerpt: Who is Jake Lewis? Is he the drug-dealing terrorist the police think he is? Is he the perverted stalker his kidnappers believe him to be? Or is he just an incurable romantic unable to hold onto Sam, the girl of his dreams, and desperate to do anything to get her back? Emu Patrol is the farcical tale of an obsessional pursuit of love, sex, drugs, rock 'n' roll and emus. Join Jake and his overactive mind, as it creates and plays out a soundtrack to his life on his quest to win back Sam. A quest that takes him on a bizarre journey from the electrifying London music scene, to the romantic Eilean Donan Castle on the tranquil shores of Loch Duich, and finally back to the conservative Medway towns of Kent. Featuring music by The White Stripes, Prefab Sprout, Aimee Mann, The Pretenders, Squeeze, U2, The Delgados, Blondie, Mercury Rev, The Wannadies, Suzanne Vega, Cake, Lloyd Cole and the Commotions, Fountains of Wayne, The Beatles and The Broken Family Band.