Book excerpt: Being woken from an 8-hour nap by a car alarm. Fed tuna for dinner two days in a row. Going outside, only to realise instantly you want to be inside. Catching your owner looking at other cats on the internet. Losing your favourite toy under the sofa, and only having 64 others to choose from. This is just a handful of the many problems faced every day by a first-world cat. This book is finally giving him a voice. Because yes, the cat may have got the cream. But it probably wasn’t Waitrose extra thick double cream. And that’s the only kind he likes.