Book excerpt: What happens when you are sharing a flat with Prince Edward and twenty pygmies? When an artificial-foot freedom fighter throws a British-made foot at the Chairman of the Communist Party of China and is then bundled off to a Mobile Prison made by the Ford Motor Company? Just what is Jonathan Aitken's Divas of Rock Show? Will Dong Xiao Ping make it to Tower Records to buy the latest Status Quo album? What of The Lady Di Chinese Restaurant in Walthamstow which specialises in radishes carved in the shape of British Prime Ministers? Will Andrew Lloyd Webber complete his new musical 'Dog Breeder'? Will Willie Whitelaw marry his parrot? Will our hero make that engagement at the Gonk factory in Leeds? As a stand-up comedian, Harry Hill is the equal of Eddie Izzard, Rich Hall and Frank Skinner. Performing bareback for the first time, the self-styled debonaire dachshund now makes his fiction debut.