Book excerpt: Imagine a cross between Chelsea Handler and The Adventures of Tom Sawyer... but it's all true. High Holiday Porn is the story of an Orthodox boy in the Bronx who discovers masturbation during Passover dinner as a child, gets caught with porn on Yom Kippur, fantasizes about marrying his grade school classmate (if only he could get up the nerve to speak to her), and finally figures out that the way into a girl's pants is through her heart. But maybe the heart is all that ever mattered anyway. Eytan Bayme's hilariously honest memoir is the true story of how an anxious boy finally stops masturbating in public, gets the girl, grows up, and begrudgingly makes peace with the unfairness of life and love. It's a heartwarming, fantasy-laden, usually embarrassing, sometimes raunchy and always outrageous look at coming of age. Bayme's stories of young love, fitting in, and social pressure will resonate with anyone who ever felt awkward growing up.