Book excerpt: This is not a book about how to train for an Ironman, the kit you need or anything that could actually prove to be useful. If there is anything useful in this book then that's purely by accident. If you are looking for some genuine training tips on Ironman then please get one of the decent training books - not the 55,000 words of illiterate drivel this represents. This is a simply a story about someone (fat northerner in the shape of Darren) deciding to do something as stupid as Ironman and the things you encounter on the way. Such as the psychotic geese, paperless portaloos, the mind games and the doomsday feeling that no matter how much training you do it's never enough. Darren is fat, bald, ugly and lives in the North West of England with his wife Amy and daughter Lilly-Mae where he continues to try to be a triathlete.