Book excerpt: A hilarious re-imagining of the heroes of the Old Testament for a modern world-and the neurotic, demanding reader. In the beginning...there was humor. Sure, it's the foundation for much of Western morality and the cornerstone of world literature. But let's face it: the Bible always needed punching up. Plus, it raised quite a few questions that a modern world refuses to ignore any longer: wouldn't it be boring to live inside a whale? How did Joseph explain Mary's pregnancy to the guys at work? Who exactly was the megalomaniacal foreman who oversaw the construction of the Tower of Babel? And honestly, what was Cain's problem? In Ladies and Gentlemen, the Bible!, Jonathan Goldstein re-imagines and recasts the greatest heroes of the Bible with depth, wit, and snappy dialogue. This is the Bible populated by angry loners, hypochondriacs, and reluctant prophets who fear for their sanity, for readers of Sarah Vowell and the books of David Sedaris. Basically, a Bible that readers can finally, genuinely relate to. Jonathan Goldstein's new book, I'll Seize the Day Tomorrow, will be available May 2013.