Book excerpt: Weve lived for eons with a set of rules guiding how we have relationships with one another. These Old Rules have, without question, been inadvertently passed, without examination, from generation to generation by our families. Its past time to expose them to the light of day. Why? Together, these Old Rules create a toxic environment we accept as inviolate. We struggle against others and against ourselves, not realizing that the shame-based Old Rules hold us back from being who we are meant to be and doing what we are meant to do. When feelings of undeserved shame (something is wrong with us) become part of how we think of ourselves, two things are true: 1) our true selves become more defended and less available to ourselves and others, and 2) we become more easily manipulated to serve someone elses needs in ways that are not in our best interests. That sense of shame and the Old Rules reinforce each other. One look at them and its easy to see how they make it difficult to have healthy relationships. They are definitely not conducive to happiness. We know better. We just need to know how to do better, one rule at a time. Unmasking and replacing Old Rules with even one of the New Rules begins to change everything Change the rules, change the game.