Book excerpt: What happened when former Tory cabinet-minister and now bus-pass wielding OAP, Sir John Nott, decided to discover modern London for himself? Real London. Beyond Kensington & Chelsea. As far, even, as Tooting... It all began when Sir John decided to take a crash course in ballroom dancing for an upcoming cruise holiday. Whilst flicking through the 'Ballroom Dancing' section of the Yellow Pages directory, he chanced upon the Mr Wonderful Tea Dances. After a single trip to a Mr Wonderful lunch in Bromley, the onetime Defence Secretary was hooked. And so began an extraordinary odyssey, in which Sir John discovered a whole new side to Britain and began to question the notion of what, exactly, it means to be British in this day and age. In the name of research he risked reconnaissance to China White, Spearmint Rhino and the Countryside March. His observations along the way are irreverent and hilarious, whether venting his spleen over EU farming regulations, or enjoying a colourful wander round Tooting market.