Book excerpt: Congratulations, baby boomers: You are now officially all middle-aged. ItÕs a book of firsts: My first colonoscopy, my first reading glasses. A book of vital statistics, including married name(s), circumference of abdomen, cholesterol count (HDL and LDL), and home state (Red or Blue). ItÕs a place to keep track of primary care giversÑherbalist, psychopharmacologist. Record favorite expressionsÑIÕm having a senior moment. Dressing on the side, please. 60 is the new 50. Keep track of ÒWhat IÕve Grown,Ó from liver spots to knee flaps. ThereÕs also a place for a lock of hair (if you can spare it) along with the Seven Stages of Hair Loss (men: from minoxidil to shaves head; women: from plucks grey hairs to dyes it champagne blond). Plus essaysÑÒAm I Smiling or Is It Gas,Ó and ÒI Go to School,Ó a parody of Adult Ed classes.