Book excerpt: Kept in a bird-coop by his parents, Sunny McCreary endured a childhood of neglect, abuse and being bullied by pigeons, only to find it was all downhill from there. In the course of the most painful life ever, he survived tragedy and maiming, a savage convent school education, being pimped out in pink-satin hot pants, a degrading addiction to helium, and having a baboon's arse grafted onto his face. Then things got really bad. More horrible than A Child Called It, more heartrending than Ugly, more repulsive than the Alastair Campbell diaries, My Godawful Life is the misery memoir to end all misery memoirs and the feel-bad book of the year.