Book excerpt: "America is good. Everything else is bad." So begins the first chapter of the greatest book ever on the second-greatest Tea Party ever: your Tea Party. Or, if you're a godless wussy liberal dirty poopy socialist, their Tea Party. Either way-with us or against us-The Tea Party Guide to Being a Real American is for you. America is in hot water, and this book is going to teabag the whole damn country. This book has the answers. Answers to questions like Why did Jesus write the Constitution? and What's the most patriotic sexual position? Well, it doesn't quite answer that second one, but th.