Book excerpt: Book 8 of The Speedicut Papers is primarily concerned with Speedicuts involvement with the young Winston Churchill on the North-West Frontier of India, in the Sudan at the Battle of Omdurman and in the Second Boer War, during which Speedicut is captured along with Churchill. When not acting as nursemaid to Britains future greatest Prime Minister, Speedicut plays a central role, invariably with disastrous consequences, in the notorious Jameson Raid, Queen Victorias Diamond Jubilee and the assassination of the Empress of Austria. Speedicuts opinions on the great figures of our time give a whole new meaning to the word iconoclast Dr Samuel Johnson If all the men and women Speedicut slept with were laid end to end, I wouldnt be at all surprised. Dorothy Parker In defeat, defiance; in victory, magnanimity; in peace, goodwill except where that shit, Speedicut, is concerned. Winston S Churchill