Book excerpt: Jeff Zycinski's memoir of a Scottish childhood begins as he wakes up in a Dundee hospital after major surgery. As he drifts in and out of consciousness he recalls life as the youngest of eight siblings, a Polish-born father and a Scottish mother, family travels across Scotland, a best pal's method for contacting dead TV stars and why you should never fall madly in love with your teacher. These true-life memories inspire his fictional tales of a stand-up comedian, the memoirs of Goldilocks and what happens when the characters in your dreams decide to go on strike. With Foreword from Ken Bruce, BBC Radio 2