Book excerpt: A brilliantly honest guide to the highs and lows of parenthood from the author of award-winning blog The Thud. 'Articulate and hilarious. This is my all-time favourite go-to reference for every mother.' CHEZZI DENYER 'Lauren Dubois' entertaining musings on parenting have saved me from the "brink" multiple times. A must-read for the modern-day mother who adores her children - but is happy to acknowledge the journey can be equal parts heaven and hell!' ERIN MOLAN You walk out of the maternity ward with your new baby, looking back over your shoulder, waiting for someone to stop you and tell you you're not qualified to do this. But they don't. They just wave you on your merry way and that's it. It's up to you now. Suddenly you're a mum. Suddenly you're crying at sad news stories, you're picturing all the horrible things that could happen to your baby when you walk down the street, you're plotting your partner's death over and over again. You're wondering why no one told you it would be this hard. Something's changed in you but you're trying to figure out what it is and if anyone else feels the same. This book is NOT a parenting manual. You don't need anyone else telling you what to do with your child. What you need is someone who'll explain what the actual fallopian is happening to you. What exactly IS motherhood? So here it is: the complete, honest, uncomfortable and glorious story of motherhood. From the science fiction weirdness of pregnancy, to the sleep torture inflicted by babies, to the crapshow that is negotiating with your megalomaniacal toddler - and all the magic that makes it worth it. These are the things no one told you about motherhood. The joyous, the maddening and the hilarious.